And then there were none

And then there were none.

No book signings. No radio interviews. Nothing.

I just cleaned up my Appearances page and it's clear for the next two months. Insert heavy sigh of relief.

A little over two months ago I embarked on a journey like none I've ever taken before. With book in hand, I traveled, in order of appearance, to the following places: Evanston, Ill., Rockford, Ill., Joliet, Ill., Winnetka, Ill., Milwaukee, Wisc., Waynesboro, Va., Washington, D.C., Glen Ellyn, Ill., and, last but not least, Chicago, Ill.

During that period, I also appeared as a guest on radio shows in New York and Wisconsin and on two Internet radio programs. Stories about or reviews of my book appeared in The Star newspapers, The Times of Northwest Indiana, The Evanston Roundtable, The Chicago Writer's Association's Clarion, New Mystery Reader Magazine, Book Review Cafe, AllBooks Review and the Murder and Mayhem Bookclub.

All in a little over two months.

On a crisp, clear Saturday in Chicago, just before the annual Festival of Lights parade marched down Chicago's Michigan Avenue, I made my final stop in an equally exhausting and exhilarating mini-book tour at the Illinois Woman's Press Association (IWPA) Book Fair at the Chicago Cultural Center. I couldn't have asked for a better place to close the book on my little adventure. Not only did I meet some fellow up-and-coming local authors like Joanne Stone-Geier (Launch It! How to Turn Good Ideas Into Products That Sell), Dan McGuire (Now, When I Was a Kid),  Marion E. Gold (Top Cops: Profiles of Women in Command), and Marianne Wolf-Astrauskas, but I also got my five minutes on the stage: interviewed by WBEZ news correspondent Diantha Parker. And for the second weekend in a row, I nearly sold out of books. How's that for an ending? Many thanks to the IWPA and to the friendly volunteers at The Cultural Center. They put on a great show and I thank them all for allowing me to be a part of it.

So where do I go from here?

That's a loaded question to ask on this, my 44th birthday (please buy a book in lieu of gifts). As I mentioned, this was a tiring two months. Trying to juggle a job, family life and book promotion is a little like being ringmaster of a three-ring circus. Right now, I'm ready to return to two rings for at least a little while.

Selling books, I learned, is hard work. And although I may have the instincts for it, I don't know if I have the will.

Often I'm asked if I've tried this or done that in order to get my book out there (please no more suggestions about sending my book to Oprah or to the Chicago Cubs organization).

Many of the things that have been suggested I have actually done (excluding Oprah) in some form or another. Regarding the Cubs, I sent my book to Ron Santo c/o WGN and to VineLine, the official publication of the Cubs. I never heard anything from either of them. 

Others to whom I've mailed copies: Mark Grace c/o the Arizona Diamondbacks; Lin Brehmer, morning personality on WXRT; and actor John Cusack. I'm still waiting to hear from all of them.

If it was within the realm of possibility, however remote, I gave it the old college try.

There are many impenentrable forces out there keeping a book like mine from being more widely distributed and read. Book publishing is a tough business. Never forget that it is, first and foremost, a business.

I never went into any of this with any great expectations, so I can't be disappointed. Considering what I was up against, I think I did the best that I could.

Now, for the most part, I'm done. Sure if something great comes along, I'll take it. Yes, Mr. Cusack, I'm still open to the idea of turning my book into a movie. Just waiting for your call.

But I've already turned down or turned away from a couple of potential promotional opportunities. I've told my publicist to shut it down.

I've got other things on my plate that have been put on the backburner for the past few months. I'm ready to move them to the front.

Number one is getting back to novel number two.

Number two is helping my writers' group, the Chicago Writers Association, get its Web site up-and-running. We're hoping to soft launch that in February, and it has the potential to be something truly special.

Number three is possibly shopping a collection of my essays on raising a toddler. I'm open to all offers.

One lingering question is what to do with this blog. I began it as a means of promoting a book. If I'm basically done promoting that book, does that mean that the air to my blog should be cut off?

I've been pondering that one for awhile now, and I'm still not sure how to answer it. If you're still reading, I'd be curious to know what you think. The comments on my blog have slowed considerably in recent weeks, yet readership seems to keep growing. I'm not sure what that means. I guess my instinct is that if it's my goal to eventually have other books published, then I'm going to have to learn to promote myself and this blog is one way to do that. Let me know your thoughts. I don't want to feel like the guest that wouldn't leave the party. If I've worn out my welcome, please tell me.

So what have I learned over the last few months? Here's my serious top 10 list:

1. Selling books is not easy.
2. For the most part, writers/authors are a supportive lot.
3. Don't mistake support for friendship.
4. You will make mistakes.
5. You will usually learn from mistakes.
6. A certain level of elitism unfortunately besets the publishing world.
7. Some doors, no matter how persistently you knock, will always be closed to some.
8. Expect the unexpected. Both good and bad.
9. Take chances.
10. Your family and friends are your greatest support.

One of these days perhaps I'll come up with a not-so-serious top 10 list. But the things I've listed above are things that I think anyone should know before they dive in naked to the publishing world.

I've seen how authors have become businessmen. Selling books becomes a job. That, to me, takes away the fun of writing books. The key, I suppose, is finding a happy medium.

Being the next John Grisham or Dan Brown sounds nice, but I wonder how nice it really is. Do they still enjoy writing? Or are they writing because that's their job. I guess if it's the former, I'd trade places with them in a heartbeat. But if it's the latter, I'll keep my day job. And the best hobby in the world.

City of Chicago gives "Lost" a PR boost (well, sort of)

Google News is an incredible reference source. You can search and browse 4,500 news sources, which are updated continuously.

This morning I did a Google News search of the Illinois Woman's Press Assocation (IWPA) Book Fair, which led to Crain's Chicago Business' "10 things to do this weekend," which led to the Chicago Cultural Center's CityofChicago.org press release for the book fair. And if you look closely enough at the press release, you'll find my name listed among the participating authors.

Just my subtle reminder. The Cultural Center is a great setting and the perfect site to close out my two-monthlong mini-book tour. Come out to see me if you get the chance. It's a great opportunity to get in some early holiday shopping.

A gift that will make your head spin

Recently a neighbor friend brought over a thank-you gift for The Toddler. Now The Toddler had no idea why he was the beneficiary of this gift. But he was more than happy to accept it.

At the sight of the gift, The Toddler’s eyes expanded to approximately twice their normal size. He let it be known to all that he was VERY excited about THE PRESENT.

The Toddler tore into the wrapping like a hound digging up a bone. When the ritualistic shredding was complete, he was ready to have his way with the NEW TOY.

The newness of THE TOY could not be questioned. You can tell that a toy is brand new because it has been packaged so securely that it could never escape its packaging. Who knew that toys were flight risks? Perhaps Homeland Security could take some lessons from toy manufacturers.

Every parent surely has been confronted with a child waiting in anticipation of a new toy only to be stymied by tangled wires that weave in so many directions that you wonder how they got that way in the first place.

And finally when you manage to release the toy from all those wires and you have that momentary feeling of accomplishment, you see the words that all parents dread: Some assembly required.

By now The Toddler’s nuclear reactor gauge is heading toward a meltdown. He’s tugging at your pants while you desperately try to decipher the assembly instructions that are about as difficult to read as hieroglyphics.

All of the trouble pays off, however, when you watch The Toddler attempt to master the Sit ‘n’ Spin, a toy that you played on when you were a child. You smile when he has trouble grasping the concept of the sitting aspect of a SIT 'n’ Spin. And you laugh out loud when he snares Mommy to coach him on the proper method to use the NEW TOY.
The 'classic' Sit 'n' Spin

After a few minutes he looks like an old pro on the Sit ‘n’ Spin. Well, maybe more like a rookie. He fails to complete an arc of more than 45 degrees. But Daddy is sure in time he'll be able to go the full 360. Of course by then Daddy will be secretly removing the batteries so that Simon Says is quieted and Daddy won't need to reach for that aspirin bottle.

Just when Daddy finds a little peace and quiet, of course, along will come another toy. Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots. Spirograph. Shrinky Dinks. More toys from his past coming back to haunt him.

Daddy’s head spins just at the thought of it.

Just like it did when he was a kid, twirling ‘round on that Sit ‘n’ Spin.

Curing a bad case of the Mondays

Got a bad case of the Mondays?

Here's just what the doctor ordered -- a good review of my book, Lost in the Ivy.

Well at least it cured whatever was ailing me.

You might wonder, and rightfully so, how my book, a murder mystery set in and around Chicago's Wrigley Field, came to be reviewed in The Amplifier, South Central Kentucky's Entertainment Monthly.

I wondered the same thing. Turns out that my publicist submitted my book to the Murder and Mayhem Bookclub and from there it ended up in the hands of Kathy Thomason, who, in addition to writing reviews for Murder and Mayhem, writes The Amplifier's Dusty Bookshelf column. A little confusing, I know, but it's all good PR for me and my little book.

Does size matter?

My stature as an author reached a new low this past weekend.

By stature I do not mean the level or status that I’ve achieved as a writer. In that sense I realize I’ve achieved very little. Yes, I’ve written a book and that is a rather considerable accomplishment. But as an author I’m basically nobody. Certainly there aren’t lines of people waiting for me when I show up at book signings.

What I’m referring to instead is actual height, as in a measurement of one’s verticality.

At 5 feet 9 inches, I’ve never considered myself to be tall. But I’ve also never thought of myself as short, either. I’ve always held the belief that I was, well, average. And indeed that’s exactly what I am when you compare my height to other adult males in the United States.

I’ve written before on the lessons I’ve learned on my mini-book tour. On Saturday, I learned another: when it comes to chairs, size does matter.

At a book signing, you’re on public display. And you’re even more in the spotlight when you do readings. In some ways you become a performer. So the last thing you want to do is appear small on the stage. But that’s exactly how I looked sitting next to author John Knoerle.

I’ve written about Knoerle before. He has a background in stand-up comedy and has a theatrical voice which makes him, unlike most authors, a natural for readings. What I didn’t mention before is that he’s also vertically blessed. He has a definite presence when you’re around him.

When I first appeared with Knoerle a few weeks back, the height differences didn’t seem quite so noticeable. But on Saturday, when I made an ill-fated decision to place my rear in a rocking chair that sat much lower to the ground than the stationary chair that Knoerle took, our height differences became magnified. I sensed that I’d been shrunk by the chair as I sat there but I didn’t realize just how small I became until I saw the pictures taken by my wife. Think of a male version of Lily Tomlin’s Edith Ann.

So does size matter when it comes to selling books? Apparently not. I nearly sold out on Saturday. Call it chairity, perhaps.

Many thanks to the friendly people at The Bookstore. Stop by there and give them some business. You might even find a rare signed copy of Lost in the Ivy amid the stacks. I left a couple of them there.

And special thanks to those who came out to see me. It was great seeing some friendly faces in the audience, both family and friends. Not one of them even made fun of me for becoming a human Shrinky Dink.

Next up: I’ll be one of about 30 authors at the Cultural Center at Randolph and Michigan in Chicago on Saturday from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. for the Illinois Woman’s Press Association (IWPA) Book Fair. (Note that my name is the only one that's not in bold. Not that I'm developing a Napoleonic complex or anything.)