Fiction: A Hard Sell

I took the bait.

There it was, taunting me. Right next to Amazon.com Sales Rank: #404,829 in Books for my book was this: (See Top Sellers in Books). Is this something new that Amazon's doing? I'd never noticed it there before. 

Can't say that I like it being there. Do those books on the list really need MORE sales? No, of course not. And it seems a bit offensive, as if Amazon is subliminally (or maybe not so subliminally) suggesting to its customers, "Why buy a book ranked #404,829, when you can buy one of these Top Sellers?" 

What's most troubling, though, are the books on that Top Sellers list.

Of the top 25, how many would you guess are fiction? Half maybe? One-third? You'd be wrong.

Only 3 of the top 25 are fiction. And the top selling fiction on the list was written by an author who's been dead for 42 years. Can you guess what book that is? It's "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis, ranked at No. 9.

If you think hard enough, you should be able to guess the other two fiction titles on the list. Okay, time's up. The answers are "The Da Vinci Code" (No. 13) and "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" (No. 25).

What else is troubling about the list? Well, two of the non-fiction titles (ranked Nos. 2 and 7) probably should be considered fiction, since the author of these books, "A Million Little Pieces" and "My Friend Leonard", James Frey, is, apparently, lying about those little pieces of his life, if The Smoking Gun is correct.

All of which makes being a true fiction writer more than just a little bit depressing.

Author's Anonymous (the other AA)

Today I propose Author’s Anonymous, a 2-step recovery program for first-time authors.

This recovery program is not for authors that abuse drugs and/or alcohol. Although history tells us that authors are prone to substance addiction, there are already 12-step programs available for them (see Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and/or one of its offshoots, Narcotics Anonymous (NA)).

Author’s Anonymous is for the addiction to being an author. Unlike the 12-step programs, this one is intended not to make you quit your addiction, but to restore the author in you.

As I’ve written before, a sense of relief swept over me when I closed the book on the two-month tour in support of my debut novel, “Lost in the Ivy.” What I didn’t realize at that time was that I’d become addicted to being an author.

So much goes into a book, and then one day you type your name into Amazon.com’s search engine tool, and there it is: YOUR BOOK. And then it’s on BarnesandNoble.com, BAMM.com, Powells.com. Any place that sells books online, you can find YOUR BOOK. If a relative in Japan wanted to buy it, he could do so at the click of a mouse.

You start to wonder if anyone’s buying YOUR BOOK. So you go to the one place that gives you some clue: your very own Amazon sales ranking number. But what’s going on? One day it’s 500,000. The next it’s 50,000. Then it’s 5,000. What does that mean? Maybe my book is that one book that has beaten all odds and will miraculously become a best seller. You’re checking daily if not hourly. And then the bubble bursts. The numbers start to climb all over again, and one day it’s back at 500,000.

But one day while checking your Amazon sales ranking you notice something different on your book’s sales page. A customer has reviewed it, and has rated it 5/5. More positive customer reviews start popping up and your Amazon ranking starts inching up ever so slowly once again. And a newspaper gives it a glowing review. You start to believe once again.

You hit the road with high expectations and…POP! The bubble bursts again. Your first appearance as an author and nobody shows up.

But at the next stop you sign your first book for someone you don’t know, and it’s a pretty cool feeling. People you’ve never met before are asking for your autograph. Suddenly you’re signing more and more of your books, being interviewed on the radio and your name has appeared in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and online review sites.

And then…POP! It all comes to a quick and sudden end.

I didn’t realize that I was addicted to being an author until I began to wonder if I would ever again experience any of the incredible highs that came with being an author.

Yes, it’s a roller-coaster ride, but there’s no feeling quite like it. It’s a feeling I want back. That is why I propose a 2-step recovery program for first-time authors.

Step 1: Admit your addiction to being an author.

Step 2: Write that second book.

It’s that simple. The only way to recovery for a fist-time author is to become a second-time author.

Now don’t disturb me. I’ve got a lot of work to do if I’m going to complete this rehabilitation.

2005: Year in Review

This past year has been one incredible ride. How incredible? Here are the figures:

Website:

Raw Hits: 64,513

Raw Hits/Month (Avg): 5,376

Unique Visitors/Month (Avg): 735

Busiest Month: October (9,543 hits, 1,108 unique)

Slowest Month: February (1,957 hits, 459 unique)

Google Page Rank: 3/10

Most Popular Search Engine Queries:

1. Randy Richardson
2. Lost in the Ivy
3. Marla Collins (or Cubs Ballgirl) nude (or Playboy)
4. Jo Frost (or Supernanny) nude
5. Bubs Daddy Gum

Total Blog Entries: 99

Book:

Amazon Sales Rankings:

Highest: 5,373

Lowest: ~ 600,000

Current: 270,653

Amazon Customer Reviews: 9

Average Rating: 5/5 Stars

Bookstore Appearances: 4

Books Sold: 45

Library Appearances: 3

Books Sold: 1

Book Fair Appearances: 3

Books Sold: 24

Book Launch Parties: 1

Books Sold: 34

Total Author Appearances: 11

Total Books Sold in Author Appearances: 104

Books Sold/Appearance (Avg): 9.5

Radio Interviews: 6

Newspaper or Newsletter Stories or Interviews: 8

Newspaper, Magazine or Online Reviews: 7

_____________________________________________________

What do the number show? One thing they demonstrate is that promotion pays off. The busiest month in terms of website activity (October) coincides with my busiest month of promotional activity. They also show that measuring purely in terms of book sales, library events do not pay off.

Do the numbers tell the whole story? Not even close. There were so many stories behind all of these numbers, many of which you can read in the 99 blog entries.

The one number that I'm asked most about is the one that I don't know. That is the total number of copies of LOST IN THE IVY that have actually been sold. All I can tell people is, I wish I knew. There are at least those 104 copies that were sold during my author appearances. In addition, I've hand-sold dozens of copies on my own and distributed quite a few review copies. But the Internet sales are an unknown factor. In late February I should be getting a sales report from my publisher that, hopefully, will give some kind of an answer to the question of how many books have been sold. Until then, your guess is as good as mine.

But no matter how many books were sold, it has been truly a year to remember. I've done so many things this past year that I'd never done before and met so many wonderful people along the way. Those who've followed me on this incredible ride, I thank you and hope that it was as enjoyable for you as it was for me. 

Now it's time to park the car for 2005. There's a new model revving up for 2006. Feel free to hop in again for another ride. Just be sure to buckle up. I have no idea where I'm going. But if getting to 2006 was any indicator, the ride to 2007 should be one fun trip.

Update on Saturday, December 31, 2005 at 07:07AM by Randy Richardson

A couple more figures:

The most commented upon blog entry: Pickles and Hiccups (8 comments).

The most popular (read) blog entry: Only in America (0 comments).

Update on Tuesday, January 3, 2006 at 08:57PM by Randy Richardson

A loyal reader of my blog kindly pointed out today that she found a measure of success in Entertainment Weekly's end-of-year book lists. While my novel didn't make the magazine's 10 Best list, it didn't make it's 5 Worst list, either.

The greatest power pop band you've never heard of...

Cover of Off Broadway's "On" AlbumThe year is 1980, and if you're in high school in Chicagoland, chances are you owned Off Broadway's debut album, "On". Or you knew somebody who did.

You knew every song on the album. You sang along to every song on the album.

The album art of the shattering light bulb is an indelible image in your mind.

But if you lived outside Chicagoland, chances are you never heard of Off Broadway.

In 1981, I started college at St. Louis University. I brought along my cassette tape of Off Broadway's "On". When I first played it for my roommate, who was from Louisville, Kentucky, I was stunned that he'd never even heard of songs like "Stay in Time" or "Full Moon Turn Your Head Around." I thought perhaps he was an aberration. He was, after all, a guy whose music collection consisted of nothing but Neil Diamond 8-tracks. But he wasn't. I was the only one on my floor at Griesedieck Hall who'd ever even heard of Off Broadway.

On Friday, two days before Christmas, I took a nostalgic trip back in time. Twenty-five years back. A quarter of a century.

About half past eleven, Off Broadway took the stage at a packed, smoky Fitzgerald's in rugged Berwyn, Illinois, just southwest of Chicago. All of the original members were intact: Cliff Johnson, Rob Harding, Ken Harck, Mike Gorman and Mike Redmond.

I'm not sure what brought me there that night.

There was, I suppose, a curiosity factor. What had happened to this band that had left such an impressionable mark on me way back when? Why hadn't they become the huge success that all of us who had heard them thought for sure they would eventually become? I didn't find the answer to that. They didn't dwell on the past.

Clues to what happened can be found on the Off Broadway website, however. "On", the critically acclaimed debut album sold nearly 300,000 copies in hometown Chicago alone; however in other parts of the world, marketing efforts were, to put it kindly, less aggressive," reads the band's web site.

I also wanted to hear how the band sounded today. Would they still be able to crank out the power pop the way they did twenty-five years ago? The answer to that one is a decisive yes. Cliff Johnson's voice remains in fine form. And the rest of his band mates can still rock.

Not long after the band took the stage, a bar fight broke out in the audience. Atmosphere, they call it in Berwyn.

Perhaps what I most wanted out of the night was a little bit of that time back. I wanted to feel like that high school senior from Chicago's south suburbs all over again, if only for an hour or two. But I can't say that I found that skinny, mop top kid that I used to be. I still like that kid, but he's not me anymore. 

I guess what I found is that you can't go back in time.

But, man, "Stay in Time", it sounds just as good today as it did back in 1980.

On the 45-minute drive back home, I listened once more. I pushed in my Off Broadway CD, cranked the volume and sang along with each and every song. All over again.

Maybe there is just a little bit of that high school kid still in me after all. 

My Author Fantasies

Being a fiction writer, I’ve got a rather vivid fantasy life. For your own good, I’ll spare you a full accounting of my fantasies.

Instead, I’m going to divulge to you some of my author fantasies.

1. Phone rings. I pick it up. On the other end is a movie producer. He/She says “I’d like to make a movie based on your book, LOST IN THE IVY.”
2. John Cusack chosen to star in the film version of LOST IN THE IVY.
3. Winona Ryder circa 1988 chosen to costar in the film version of LOST IN THE IVY.
4. Phone rings. I pick it up. On the other end is the promotional director for the Chicago Cubs. He/She says “We’d like you to come up to the WGN-TV booth and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during Game 7 of the 2006 World Series at Wrigley Field.
5. LOST IN THE IVY hits the New York Times best-seller list.
6. LOST IN THE IVY hits No. 1 on the New York Times best-seller list.
7. Phone rings. I pick it up. On the other end is the producer of Oprah. He/She says “Oprah has chosen your book for her book-of-the-month club and would like you to be a guest on her show.”
8. Phone rings. I pick it up. On the other end is author Scott Turow. He says “I loved your book. I’d be happy to blurb it for you.”
9. I’m riding Chicago’s “L” train and see Scott Turow sitting in the same car, reading LOST IN THE IVY.
10. I’m riding Chicago’s “L” train and I see anyone sitting in the same car, reading LOST IN THE IVY.

The chances that any of the above will ever happen are slim to none. Number 10 on the list would seem to be the one within the realm of possibility (i.e., chances of it happening are slightly better than the odds of striking it rich by playing the lottery) and it is the one that I think most about. What would I say? What would I do? Here are some possibilities:

1. Do nothing.
2. Ask the person what they’re reading and if they like it.
3. Tell the person “You’re reading my book.”
4. Ask the person to look at the author photo on the back.
5. Ask the person if he/she would like to have the author sign the book he/she is reading.

Those are some of my thoughts. I’m not sure what I’d actually do if I ever was in that situation. I welcome any thoughts from readers of this blog. What do you think I should say or do in such a situation?

This fantasy is also followed by one of my worst author nightmares. Let’s say I do No. 2, ask the person if they like the book, and the reaction is less than enthusiastic. Something like “It’s okay” or “I’ve read better” or “It’s the worst piece of crap I’ve ever read.” In that situation I know what I’d do. I’d nod and slink away.