Author's Anonymous (the other AA)

Today I propose Author’s Anonymous, a 2-step recovery program for first-time authors.

This recovery program is not for authors that abuse drugs and/or alcohol. Although history tells us that authors are prone to substance addiction, there are already 12-step programs available for them (see Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and/or one of its offshoots, Narcotics Anonymous (NA)).

Author’s Anonymous is for the addiction to being an author. Unlike the 12-step programs, this one is intended not to make you quit your addiction, but to restore the author in you.

As I’ve written before, a sense of relief swept over me when I closed the book on the two-month tour in support of my debut novel, “Lost in the Ivy.” What I didn’t realize at that time was that I’d become addicted to being an author.

So much goes into a book, and then one day you type your name into Amazon.com’s search engine tool, and there it is: YOUR BOOK. And then it’s on BarnesandNoble.com, BAMM.com, Powells.com. Any place that sells books online, you can find YOUR BOOK. If a relative in Japan wanted to buy it, he could do so at the click of a mouse.

You start to wonder if anyone’s buying YOUR BOOK. So you go to the one place that gives you some clue: your very own Amazon sales ranking number. But what’s going on? One day it’s 500,000. The next it’s 50,000. Then it’s 5,000. What does that mean? Maybe my book is that one book that has beaten all odds and will miraculously become a best seller. You’re checking daily if not hourly. And then the bubble bursts. The numbers start to climb all over again, and one day it’s back at 500,000.

But one day while checking your Amazon sales ranking you notice something different on your book’s sales page. A customer has reviewed it, and has rated it 5/5. More positive customer reviews start popping up and your Amazon ranking starts inching up ever so slowly once again. And a newspaper gives it a glowing review. You start to believe once again.

You hit the road with high expectations and…POP! The bubble bursts again. Your first appearance as an author and nobody shows up.

But at the next stop you sign your first book for someone you don’t know, and it’s a pretty cool feeling. People you’ve never met before are asking for your autograph. Suddenly you’re signing more and more of your books, being interviewed on the radio and your name has appeared in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and online review sites.

And then…POP! It all comes to a quick and sudden end.

I didn’t realize that I was addicted to being an author until I began to wonder if I would ever again experience any of the incredible highs that came with being an author.

Yes, it’s a roller-coaster ride, but there’s no feeling quite like it. It’s a feeling I want back. That is why I propose a 2-step recovery program for first-time authors.

Step 1: Admit your addiction to being an author.

Step 2: Write that second book.

It’s that simple. The only way to recovery for a fist-time author is to become a second-time author.

Now don’t disturb me. I’ve got a lot of work to do if I’m going to complete this rehabilitation.

Comments

As my friend Oprah would say, "You Go Girl"

[Randy Richardson]

Dear Friend of Oprah,

Think you could get my book in your friend's little book club?

By the way, you know I'm not a girl, right?